As someone who is quickly approaching her late 20’s, I am consistently met with an ongoing internal conflict: Productivity without being overworked means you aren’t working hard enough, or that you don’t want something ”bad” enough to reach your goals. Then, on the flip-side, if you’re resting or enjoying life in the absence of productivity then you’re lazy.
Trust me, I am fully aware of these cross-wires in my brain and I’m working diligently to reprogram it to be more balanced. But what exactly is the root of my internal struggle?
When I started my first ”second job” it was in 2018 at a beauty counter. I loved it, it was an outlet for me for my creativity and love for makeup, I made friends, and made extra money. But when I look back as to what caused my (perceived) need for the other job it was for the money it provided so I could support someone else who was in my life at the time.
And so the cycle began. When I no longer supported that person, I began *extra* supporting myself as a means to avoid the emotional trauma that came from that relationship. The more money I earned the more entitled I felt to spend it on things that I “deserved” because I was working so hard. I was replacing quality time spent with friends and family and avoiding talking about how I was *really* doing on the inside, with picking up shifts because I wanted to be affirmed by managers about being a “reliable worker” while on the inside I was quietly hurting, aching and reminded that I was being a crappy friend to avoid telling anyone about my struggle. When you talk about your trauma it makes it real, and I wasn’t ready to face it.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized this little nugget of truth: people who don’t have lives but have money, fill their life with things that never fully satisfy. But people who have lives but less money, fill their lives with memories with the people they love.
It then begs the question— do I want to be wealthy in earthly riches that can be stolen in an instant? Or do I want to be wealthy by having enriching relationships that sharpen me to be a better version of myself? You don’t necessarily have to choose one or another, but you do have to ask yourself which one are you willing to sacrifice when times get tough. Do you want your dollar bills to wipe away your tears when hard times come? Or do want to drive to your best friends house at 3 am to be embraced with an empathetic listening ear and a hug?
Let’s just say it took me a while to come to the conclusion that quality people are more valuable in life than quality things.
Now, to shift slightly, when it comes to resting, it’s important to understand that rest is vital for growth— its necessary for reflection and self awareness. So to know the difference between rest and laziness we have to look at what they both create:
Laziness lessens your energy which is reflected in an apathetic attitude. When we’re lazy it tends to be more of an unplanned go-with-flow-wherever-the-flow-may-go sort of mindset. And any idea you do have for what you’d like to do, you talk yourself out of it. Why? Because it takes ENERGY to leave the bed or the couch to go shower, put clothes on and do something that sparks joy.
Rest, however, does the opposite of lazy. Rest is intentional down-time where you spend your time doing something that adds life to your life. It’s planned. If it causes some minor stress, it’s stress that makes you energized and refreshed.
Even as I type this on my day off, I feel energized because I love to write. It sparks joy in me and restores my energy.
So how does one rest without guilt in a workaholic world? You acknowledge that you need it, you plan it, you put it in your calendar (IN PEN!) and you look forward to it, then comes the fun part… You do it! And maybe, just maybe, you’ve got some really amazing people who can rest with you too.
Rest is a boundary you don’t want to keep compromising. Rest could be the difference in your ability to get results. So if you want to work hard, just make sure you rest hard too.
andrea statler 