Not to toot my own trumpet over here, but one thing I’ve got going for me in the midst of all my MANY faults is intentionality. In my world, this means that the people in my life that I appreciate and desire to grow with, I strive to give attention and care to them consistently. I’m not perfect at this, but it is a strength I’m thankful for.
What intentionality provides is the clarity for how to use and prioritize my time to cultivate relationships in a consistent way so they can grow and thrive.
“But Andrea, you’re single, no kids, you’ve got ALL the time in the world to prioritize whoever and whatever you want to do— people with families don’t have this luxury!”
Well, yes and no. I’m not going to pretend that I know what the busyness of a family looks like on a day to day basis— but what I can observe, without being in it myself, is that without carving out time for your friends to enrich your life, you’re allowing your time to be fully consumed by your spouse, children, the level of cleanliness of your house, and work.
Don’t get me wrong these things are of the utmost importance. Truly they are, but your community is also what helps you to avoid insanity—so depriving yourself of those relationships can really isolate you to a point beyond what you can handle.
But this is a 2-way street. When your friend reaches out, it involves you reaching back. I don’t care if you have to write 52 sticky notes, put a reminder in your phone or call while you’re in the bathroom, a simple 10 second voice message that says , “hey I’m sorry I missed your calls, I just had a minute to talk and I have to go to Target later, if you’re free do you want to come with me? I’ll be there at 6, I miss you.” Even if they can’t make it, that message ALONE says:
YOU MATTER TO ME.
YOU’RE WORTHY OF MY TIME.
I CARE ABOUT YOU & YOUR LIFE.
As a friend, I’ll never ask to be your first priority, I just want to be on the list— in the margins somewhere. Because I understand that days get busy, life gets hard, but I want to be the person you make time to call when you had a miscarriage, so I can pray for you over the phone. I want to be that person that when you’re on your way to work, you leave me a voicemail as you verbally process your thoughts as you’re trying to make a hard decision.
It’s these little moments, these consistent spontaneous bursts of connection that fuel friendships for the long haul.
Don’t say I should just accept that you’re not going to talk to me for the next 18 years because #parentlife. Say, “hey I still love you and I know I may need some help staying connected with you in the midst of the chaos of life now that I’m a parent. But you matter to me, can we shoot for having dinner once a month or every 6 weeks so I don’t go crazy? I want you in my life. I just not be that great at reaching out for a little while, and I’m actively working on getting better about that.”
Transparency is important, resetting expectations when seasons of life change is just as equally important. But one of the most important things is simply understanding and accepting that all friendships were meant to be, but maybe not made to last.
And that’s okay.
andrea statler 