Grieving the “Right Relationship”

There’s something about the holidays that emphasizes singleness. It starts at Halloween and doesn’t end until Valentine’s Day.

Literally 1/3 of the year emphasizes being paired up with someone. And social media emphasizes the perceived “happiness” and “fulfillment”—but whether that happiness you see on social media is rooted in reality is an entirely different story.

When I exited my most recent relationship in October (due to infidelity on his part and numerous other reasons that I take responsibility for my part in). After we broke up I felt hurt— because I was grieving the loss of being with someone. Not being with HIM specifically but someone.. Not just anyone. But someone I hadn’t met yet.

10 days after we broke up he went on a first date with someone and they went to a place he bought tickets for us to go to. He’s been in his relationship with her for almost 2 months now.

It’s not that I don’t want him to be happy.

I do want him to be happy.

I just want to be happy too.

I have friendships with guys that have more substance than the romantic relationship I had with my ex. Hanging out with them platonically fulfills me in more ways than being with the wrong person ever could.

But that’s where my grief comes from.

I’m not grieving my ex. I’m grieving the right relationship. The relationship I haven’t had yet.

The “almost-could’ve-should’ve been” relationship with my person. Wherever he is. Maybe he’s in a relationship with someone. Maybe he’s single. But maybe I haven’t grown where I need to for us to work out even if I have already met him.

So while I sit in my pity puddle for the next 10 minutes, it’ll be to remind myself of 3 things:

1.) Settling for someone is not a solution for your singleness.

2.) Take the time you need to grieve: feel it, embrace it and then: LET IT GO.

3.) Stop torturing yourself with the “happiness” of other people’s highlight reels and remember the authentic joy that comes from genuine moments where you’re so in tune with one another you don’t even think to look at your phone.