10 years ago today I was spending Christmas with my boyfriend and his family in the suburbs of Chicago. We had only began dating a few days before Thanksgiving but we quickly figured out that what we had was something special.
While he went to his Freshman year of college in Ohio, and I was finishing up my senior year in high school in Missouri— a lot of traditionally “hard” things about long distance relationships didn’t apply to us, (partially because at 18 years old the level of “adulting” hadn’t sunk in yet) but also we both had made the mutual decision to prioritize one another so highly so it wouldn’t feel so awful the times we were apart. We planned our dates, we were understanding if something came up that interfered because we were profusely apologetic and worked hard to put action behind those missed connections. We had real conversations with depth and laughter and we legitimately had an interest in each other that was more than skin deep.
We weren’t perfect but we worked hard to show one another just how important the other one was both when we were together and apart.
Though we had a great relationship, I inevitably broke up with him in August of 2012. There was no doubt he treated me with the type of priority, attention and time that you typically only see in fairytales, but where we were different was substantial. Our values were different in ways I wish they weren’t and at 18, we both still had some major growing up to do.
Fast forward to present day, specifically Christmas Day 2021. I received a Merry Christmas snap from the ex of Christmas past. 10 years passed to be exact. It had been so long since we had last spoken. I wanted to catch up, see how he was so we continued to talk— and it was as though no time had gone by. We reminisced what we had 10 years ago, brought up old inside jokes, embarrassing stories and it was fun walking down memory lane together.
But it left me curious.
Why did he decide to reach out? What caused me to pop in his head?
So, I asked him.
It was one of the highest forms of a compliment I’ve ever received— knowing that someone from 10 years ago looks back at their life, sees me in it, and is glad I was in it, and hopes to have that again, if not better with someone else.
Because when I think back to my exes, he was my longest relationship I’ve ever had for a reason. I felt valued, cherished, worthy of substantial effort and care. And I haven’t found that since my relationship with him.
All he wanted to do was to reach out and add some overflow to my cup reassuring me that for the right guy— I won’t be too much.
I’ll be appreciated.
For the right guy, I won’t be diminished.
I’ll be shown that I’m valuable to him.
For the right guy, my efforts won’t be a one way street.
We’ll both be falling over one another showing our care and appreciation in a reciprocal way.
For the right guy, I won’t ever need to question his faithfulness to me.
Because he wants to be there just as much as I do.
Who knew my favorite Christmas present this year would come from my ex?
Sometimes you need a little reassurance that you aren’t a failure just because a relationship didn’t work. But knowing that we were able to leave each other better than when we found each other 10 years ago— that magic will never lose its sparkle.
andrea statler 