I was talking to one of my best friends at work the other day and we were having a conversation about our enneagram types. With him being a type 2 and him being a type 6 there’s no doubt why we get along so well. (If you haven’t taken the test to better understand why you are the way you are in your relationships and how you behave in your relationship with yourself and others, it’s a great personality test to take! https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test).
I was explaining to him why it’s so important for me to take care of everyone else’s needs first before my own, because taking care of others IS taking care of me. Because if the health of my immediate community is in shambles but I’m doing great, what level of awareness will I have to go help them? It’s easier for me to take care of them first, have purpose by helping them through whatever they need, and then I have the energy and motivation to address my own needs. Then, when I inevitably need my friends to help me through something difficult— I can ask for help, and they’ll be there, but even if they aren’t I can still meet my own needs, but part of meeting my own needs is being attuned to the needs of those around me.
He feels differently, he needs to feel safe and secure inwardly to be able to be attuned with other people’s needs. And it makes sense. We’re different, but we work well together. He reminds me to take care of me and I encourage him to seek out connection with the people in his life who maybe need some intentional effort and help but maybe struggle to ask for it.
But then he asks me,
“Why is it so important for you to help people all the time, it sounds exhausting.”
And before I could even think of a response I blurted out,
“Because I don’t want to be seen as someone who “lights up rooms”.
He looked at me, confused.
“When someone passes away, especially women, the first thing people say is that they “lit up a room”. I don’t want to light up rooms. I want my effect on people to be greater than that. I want someone to be able to say, “I didn’t believe in myself, but Andrea believed in me and I was able to eventually believe in myself because she first believed in me.” It’s not because I want the credit, I want people to be curious as to why I live my life this way— and hopefully I can direct them to the One who made me this way.”
We all get to leave a legacy.
What do you want yours to be?
After so many generations people will forget your name, but they won’t forget who you served.
andrea statler 