I’ll be honest, caring for others can be exhausting. So exhausting in fact that we do it with such a passive attitude that could make the ones we care about question the depths of how much we care.
I’m my own worst critic in this area, but I’ve also observed one critical quote that is very passive and lazy that encourages us to give the least possible effort while still sounding caring.
And the quote is this:
“Let me know if you need anything!”
We say this quote for everything.
Is there a dinner coming up that you’re invited to?
“Let me know if you need anything!”
Did someone die?
“Let me know if you need anything!”
Is your friend moving?
While the words are well-intentioned, it is an incredibly lazy way to care for people.
“Let me know if you need anything!”
Is your sister sick?
“Let me know if you need anything!”
So how can we change this narrative to caring with courage rather than passivity?
Is there a dinner that you’re invited to?
Say, “Would you prefer I bring red wine or white?”
Did someone die?
Say, “I’m dropping dinner off to you on Thursday.”
Is your friend moving?
Say, “What time can I come over Saturday to help you pack?”
Is your sister sick?
Say, “I’m picking up your favorite soup from Panera, what do you want to drink?”
This is what caring with courage looks like: courageously offering your time, effort and energy in a way that the person you’re caring for doesn’t have to ask for. Because you and I both know that when people say, “Let me know if you need anything!” 99% of the time the person receiving that message is not going to ask for what they need.
But they do need something. Everyone does. And you have the power to give it— even if they don’t know what they need, you can piece together what you would want in that circumstance and provide it for them, without them asking.
Now you might be thinking, “But I don’t have time for all that!”
But I would challenge you here: is it truly that you don’t have time? Or is it that you don’t want to make time?
We make time for the things that are important to us, and for some of us our phones would be seen as the most important thing in our lives! How insane is that?
When we care with courage we are communicating our intention to be there, rather than asking them if they want us to be. There are very few instances I can think of where the people who we love most would reject our offers to care and love them well, especially in time of need & stress.
So then it’s up to us to do our best to courageously care for our people in the areas that we can infer they need help in.
Courageously caring for someone goes beyond good intentions with nice words, it’s authentic care shown through action and thoughtfulness.
Maybe when you courageously care for someone in this way, some people may turn down your offer, and if they do that’s their choice. But at least you knew you offered to do what you could do regardless of whether or not they take you up on it.
andrea statler 