It’s been almost 2 months now since I actively started putting myself in positions to go out on dates. And while I wouldn’t call my dating experiences necessarily fruitful, I would say that they have opened my eyes to a lot resistance, on my end.
Resistance to play the game.
You know the one: “swipey swipe, talky talk— hopefully go on a date and then where it goes? nobody knows!” That’s the game. And I’m simply not a fan.
Maybe that makes me sound pretentious. But that game is just a lot of false effort.. Meaning— you’re not genuinely getting to know someone, you’re getting to know someone through the scope of how attractive they are in a picture or how witty they can come across on a virtual profile.
You’re already starting from a disadvantage attempting to date this way because you’re looking for relationship red flags before you’ve even come up with a clever way to say “hi.”
Because I feel this way about this modern form of dating, and I was feeling a bit defeated. As I was feeling defeated, I got a text from my ex asking for a picture of Bishop and to see how his vet check up went earlier that day.
We don’t talk often and when we do it’s mostly only about Bishop— but since he’s my ex and knows me well, I thought he might have some feedback that might be helpful.. And this was his response:
He further summed up his perspective by saying:
“If you want to meet interesting people, go do interesting shit!”
And interesting people are my jam— it’s pretty much a non-negotiable. If I don’t like your brain, and your ability to articulate your thoughts and ideas… it’s gonna be a no from me dawg.
I’ve already got a pottery class going for next month, what other things should I look into that you guys have found interesting people at?
Because right now, interesting, thought-provoking people is what I’m after.
Low pressure, with a high chance of success.
I like those odds.
Without feedback, we may not “force” ourselves to redirect our efforts to something more fruitful. If you don’t like your result, it’s time to change something. And if you don’t know what to change, seek out some feedback from people who know you well, you might be surprised what you find.
andrea statler 