A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months had been unfaithful.

And it was single handedly the best thing that could’ve happened to me.

His actions are not excused, but I’d be lying if I said I was a saint in that relationship.

I most definitely was not.

We didn’t bring out the best in one another, and it’s much better to have learned that lesson 5 months in to a dating relationship rather than 5 years into marriage. (For the record, I’m a VERY decisive person who LOATHES wasting people’s time, especially in relationships. I knew 2 months in I couldn’t marry him, and for me, that’s kind of a big deal because in my mind, why else would you continue to date someone if you couldn’t see yourself marrying them? That’s just my personal opinion. But—ultimately I stuck it out for 3 more months to see if some foundational non-negotiable differences we had could improve… bad idea, wouldn’t recommend, 0 out of 5 stars on Yelp.)

The 5 months I spent with him led me to truly not like myself.

But it was in exiting that relationship that I learned that the people you spend your time with, platonically or romantically, should help you to like yourself better, because you’re growing, learning and becoming a better version of yourself through the ongoing stimulating challenge of people sharpening and humbling you.

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One of the best compliments I have ever gotten in my life was from a friend who told me, “Andrea I really find your mind to be really interesting. I can’t ever predict what you’re going to say, but I enjoy asking you questions and for your perspective on things because your explanation often comes with a killer metaphor and a level of depth that a lot of people don’t have, and I tend to learn something new when we talk. That’s really cool, and I appreciate that about you.”

Find people who find your mind to be fascinating.

Find people who genuinely enjoy you for who you are and give you the freedom to be who you are.

It’s been a year since I was a version of me that I wasn’t excited to be.

But now?

It’s a year later.

I like me much better. I’m genuinely joyful in the season of life I’m in. I may not have a man to “affirm my worth” with a ring on my finger or a life long commitment— but last I checked Jesus thought I was to die for, and that’s kind of a big deal.