The last few months have been pretty transformative for me in some major ways.
But probably one of the biggest things that led to me being able and willing to go on this transformation journey was due to my experience in December with a guy who was convinced he was my “Mr. Right”.
As an established entrepreneur who was no stranger to bringing money up in every conversation we had, he was convinced that all he needed to do was tell me how many trips we would go on, how taken care of I would be, how much money he would spend for us to go out on nice dinners, and the monthly allowance he would give me to “maintain” myself (in anticipation of us one day being married).
While for some women this sounds like a dream come true, the thought of that reality with him quickly turned into a nightmare.
He said he would call me at a certain time. He’d forget, feel bad, then he’d Zelle me $100 as an apology. This wasn’t a one-off instance. This happened on numerous occasions.
If he’s doing this while we’re figuring out if we wanted to date, imagine how many things he’d be willing to consistently “forget” if we had kids one day:
“Babe I can’t come to little Tommy’s soccer game because I forgot, but here’s $100 for you to take him shopping to apologize, tell him I’ll get the next one!”
I didn’t want his money I wanted his integrity, his follow through.. his time. The things that money can’t buy.
I’d share with him my frustrations about consistent missed connections and communicate my desire to spend time together. In response, he would use humor in an attempt to deflect from taking responsibility for our missed connections while trying to pursue long distance.
Emotional intelligence, ability to receive constructive feedback, conflict resolution skills and active listening skills, yet again more qualities that I know I require that his money couldn’t buy.
When I asked about his contributions as to why his previous relationships didn’t work out, he couldn’t name one thing he did wrong other than having “poor judgment in choosing the wrong girls”.
Self-awareness of areas for growth, Yet another area that money can’t buy.
The final nail in the coffin was when I told him I had desires to pursue a more active lifestyle and that I wanted to lose 150 lbs for my health and to pursue hobbies I haven’t been able to do in years, and he told me that he couldn’t guarantee that he would be attracted to me because he prefers women of a certain size, and that any smaller than I currently was would put him “at risk” of no longer being physically attracted to me.
When I saw that his character wasn’t worth as much as his bank account, the pursuit of getting to know him ended abruptly by me in less than a month.
I don’t share this story to shun this man.
He was a good Jesus-loving guy who is going to make someone really happy one day with a lavish lifestyle— and I genuinely hope they’re happy.
But as for me?
If there’s any 3 things that have a high probability of depleting over time it’s money, looks & sex, there’s ebbs and flows to it.
All of them great, all of them you hope never goes.
But most likely, the few things you’re always left with in a significant other is their mind, their character & shared mission and values.
Is money bad? No. It’s a resource. A tool. It’s not the main event.
Is physical attraction bad? No of course not, but once again, it isn’t the main event.
Is sex bad? It’s a wonderful thing! But again, not the main event.
The character of the man that I’m looking for isn’t for sale nor can it be bought.
And I will gladly eat beans and rice in a refrigerator box under a bridge with the love of my life whose character fits the bill, regardless of how many he currently has in his wallet.
Because even though we may start in a refrigerator box under a bridge, we won’t end there. Because with his character in combination with mine, together we’ll be a goldmine.
andrea statler 